How do you begin to undo a feeling that has been ingrained for twenty years? I've no idea, but it's gotta start.

1744

It's been a long day, but when I walk in, it's warm like a smile. There's bookshelves, and movies. There's a plain white couch and a chair, the walls in this room are pale yellow like a fading afternoon. There's different plants on the shelves and furniture. There's always fresh flowers between the couch and chair. There's a few things on the walls, some pictures, some sculptures, and a little knight statue behind the front door. In the corner there's a drumset, deceivingly dusty because it springs to life in a moment. The tiny kitchen has a few dishes drying in the sink, but it's always tidy, and above the window is a tiny string of paper lanterns glowing softly. I open the door to the backyard and a little blonde dog greets me with a wagging tail and her version of a grin. There's a little garden, back here, and a tree, our bicycles lean against the wall. The bathroom always smells lightly of perfume and the bathtub with the claw feet sometimes has a drippy faucet but it works just fine. Lurking in the bedroom there's a black ninja cat behind some pillows, and on the dresser a brown bunny is chewing on something. And everything in my mind softens when I come here, cause it's home, it's really truly my home and some days I don't want to be anywhere else.

tue, feb 8 12:23am

Out on the sea, there's these oil rigs. People think they're really ugly I guess, but I like them. Especially at night I think they're really pretty. It's midnight and I'm just driving down pacific coast highway and there's no one else here. It's taco tuesday so maybe they're eating, or maybe they're just sleeping, or maybe they're studying for an exam like I should be right now. In any case it's foggy and a little stormy, and safe in this little beetle is a good place to be sometimes. I don't have lake elizabeth here in long beach but as long as there's somewhere to keep driving when you need to, it's okay. I can see the waves when the highway gets close to the ocean and it's eerie and beautiful like the ocean at night always is. I'll keep driving until the cd ends and then turn around. One cd's worth of head-clearing is just enough, especially with explosions in the sky!